Sorry blog, I just don’t have the time to devote to you anymore. I’m really busy looking at consumer crap nonstop and letting my brain ooze out my ever-largening pores. Largening? See - this exactly why I need to retire.

Anyway- what’s new with me?

1. Job. I still work at the same place, but am now a manager.  This means that I do essentially the same thing I always have, but I get to yell at people more frequently.  Awesome!  I have also hung a poster of Lady Gaga in my office.

2. Eyelash extensions. I was going to put this first and Career Updatez second, but thought you might think less of me. But seriously, eyelash extensions are amazing and if I was completely terrible with money I would have them constantly. It’s important to have at least ONE part of your body resemble that of a classy hooker, and I have chosen my eyelids.

3. Just finished reading The Mosquito Coast - a book suggested to me by a friend when I began expressing a desire to leave modern civilization and live off the land in Ecuador or something. The book was awesome, and even though dude ends up getting his brain eaten by a vulture, I’m still not sure that’s worse than say, a corporate job?

4. Went to the gym for the first time since approximately four score and seven years ago.  I did eleven sit ups, ran one-sixteenth of a mile, then gave up.  As a direct result, I have been practically quadriplegic ever since.  Prediction: two years from now, this I will use the blog as a forum to chronicle my experience with gastric bypass surgery.

5. Dropped my new iPod down an elevator shaft.  Irretrievably.

6.  Uhhhh lost my thought train.